In true ostrich fashion, I would much rather stick my head in the sand than approach anything too real. Unfortunately today is as real as it gets. Test results a year ago showed need for concern, and I chose to ignore the signs because I didn't want it to be real. Test results on my birthday proved signs of major concern, and now it is real. After watching my sister deteriorate far too quickly over the course of last year, I truly believed I could run from any other thoughts in that general direction by avoiding anything that looked, sounded or even had a minute feel of what she, what we as a family, experienced. February to December isn't long enough to spend with someone you love. And yet in that short 11 months we learned exactly how torturous the monstrosity of cancer can be.
Conclusions should never be jumped to, but walks down memory lane make it difficult, scratch that, near impossible to shy away from. So what is a girl to do but wait patiently for my afternoon appointment. I have today, and that's all I can ask for. My little naps peacefully upstairs as the rain pours over my roof and thunder threatens to come crashing in. Perfect timing for such weather. Normally I would complain, but today it somehow fits.
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