I've heard before, "Sometimes the best way to change our circumstances is through thankfulness." I haven't been a huge person of faith before. I say that I place my trust and hope solely in the Lord, but in all honesty hard facts make much more sense to me when it comes to provision and future plans. Elevation Church has a song that has been playing on repeat in my mind for a few years now. "Give me faith, to trust what you say. That you're good, and your love is great. I'm broken inside, I give you my life." It's finally hit me that faith isn't something I can conjure up on my own. It isn't natural to place faith into the unknown, or the unseen. It isn't easy, nor does it often make sense. But faith can be given in the midst of my circumstances, and can exceed all I ask or imagine. My request need not be that I become a better or stronger "Christian," or that I even have the ability to overlook "reality." Instead, my prayer should be that the Lord would give me the faith to work through my situations in a way that is absolutely honoring and glorifying to Him.
So last week I took my physical requests, when it comes to the area of provision, and wrote them out. Made them plain and known, and allowed myself the vulnerability to admit that I don't have everything pulled together on my own or by my own strength. How freeing to lay it all out, and know that all I can do is my part, and allow Him to do His. Next step: I wrote down everything that has been done/given to me since that point in time. It has been absolutely crazy to see how much has been provided since then. From something as small as homemade chocolate chip cookies, to as large as a trip to the furniture and mattress store to pick out our very first bedroom set in the 5 years we've been married. I am blown away by His goodness, away by His love, by His provision.
I know that things aren't always going to make sense, and I'm working myself to a place where I can be semi-okay with that. And in the mean time, I'm going to allow Him to give me the faith to trust Him in even the difficult areas of my life.
