Change Through Thankfulness

I've heard before, "Sometimes the best way to change our circumstances is through thankfulness."  I haven't been a huge person of faith before.  I say that I place my trust and hope solely in the Lord, but in all honesty hard facts make much more sense to me when it comes to provision and future plans.  Elevation Church has a song that has been playing on repeat in my mind for a few years now.  "Give me faith, to trust what you say.  That you're good, and your love is great.  I'm broken inside, I give you my life."  It's finally hit me that faith isn't something I can conjure up on my own.  It isn't natural to place faith into the unknown, or the unseen.  It isn't easy, nor does it often make sense.  But faith can be given in the midst of my circumstances, and can exceed all I ask or imagine.  My request need not be that I become a better or stronger "Christian," or that I even have the ability to overlook "reality."  Instead, my prayer should be that the Lord would give me the faith to work through my situations in a way that is absolutely honoring and glorifying to Him.

So last week I took my physical requests, when it comes to the area of provision, and wrote them out.  Made them plain and known, and allowed myself the vulnerability to admit that I don't have everything pulled together on my own or by my own strength.  How freeing to lay it all out, and know that all I can do is my part, and allow Him to do His.  Next step: I wrote down everything that has been done/given to me since that point in time.  It has been absolutely crazy to see how much has been provided since then.  From something as small as homemade chocolate chip cookies, to as large as a trip to the furniture and mattress store to pick out our very first bedroom set in the 5 years we've been married.  I am blown away by His goodness, away by His love, by His provision.

I know that things aren't always going to make sense, and I'm working myself to a place where I can be semi-okay with that.  And in the mean time, I'm going to allow Him to give me the faith to trust Him in even the difficult areas of my life.

My First Mother's Day

I wish I had taken pictures of all my marvelous Mother's Day weekend held, but sadly, I was too focused on taking it all in.  It started off Saturday with a rash scare that was spreading across Jezreel's face, I think he just wanted me to stay home from work.  After calling out, and getting ahold of the doctor's office, it seemed mild enough and just needed to be monitored.  So my sissy, J's "nanny" and I went for a walk to take advantage of all of the sunshine.  Coffee stand, and a trip to my Grandma's house ended up with a LONG walk by the river.  He was over the moon: looking at all of the trees, rocks and water from his stroller.  On our way back I stumbled across an amazing end table/chest of drawers that I was going to paint black and use in my living room, but Nate wouldn't put it in the car.  Fear of spiders!  When Kylie and I went back for it, someone else had already seen it's potential and taken it to live in their home.  Then it was off to church for the night, where I received my first plaster imprint of Jezreel's foot.  Let me just say, I have a BIG boy!  All of the other children in nursery did their hand prints, but since Nate has J's feet tattooed on his right arm they did his foot instead.  The hands were nicely centered in the middle of the plaster, so small and precious.  J's foot on the other hand, or other foot, took up the whole entire mold. That's my boy!  Dinner that night was pizza, of my choosing.  Artichoke hearts it is!

Sunday morning Nate surprised sissy and I with McDonald's breakfast, roses and balloons.  She's not yet a wifey and momma, but it was her 21st birthday so celebrations all around.  Then it was off to church, lunch at our favorite restaurant, and home to relax before heading back for youth.  I don't often nap in that little bit of space in between, but while J slept so did I and Lord knows this momma needed it.  Then we honored mommas at youth, having the students call them up, give them a rose, and say something in their honor.

All in all it was a busy, but blessed weekend.  I'll make sure I actually squeeze some pictures in next year.

Oh Work

Say goodbye to my summer...

One of our girls at work went out on leave earlier than expected, but was going to be gone all summer since she's due in June.  I hadn't realized that it would have such a vast impact on my summer plans, especially since it's the first summer with Baby J, until I got my schedule through June.  Now instead of the 15-20 hours a week I've been working I'll be doing 35-40.

Praying praying praying that the Lord works something out because I need to be at summer camp with my kids, need to be home with my baby, and need to have some glimpse through the clouds that my dreams are preparing to come true.

I know that His ways are higher than mine, as are His thoughts,  but with the rain coming down outside all I'm seeing is the gray...

SO Much To Do

I am so beyond happy that I don't have to go back to my "real" job until Thursday!  Being a ministry momma is hard work as it is, but to juggle that with working outside the home is getting to be a lot.  I know that the Lord has more for me than this!  I know that He wants to be my ultimate provider and take care of my every need.  I know that He wants me to be free to live the desires of my heart, but stepping out in that is such a struggle for me.  I have a a hard time finding the balance between faith and wisdom.  I would love to step out in "faith" and believe He's going to take care of my every need.  Wisdom on the other hand seems to say that a guaranteed income and insurance that covers not only the hubby and I, but also my precious little who has definitely had use for it, is hard to walk away from.  Lord, I need clarity and direction!  I want provision for my family that far exceeds my wildest dreams.  I want to be free to do ministry EXACTLY as I dream to do it!  I want the ability to take care of my home and my little in the way only a momma can!  Open the doors and pour out blessing upon blessing!

It Seems To Happen Often Here

A sick baby that is.  Baby J is currently getting not 1, not 2, but 3 top teeth all at the same time, which makes for a very cranky needy little.  Seeing as I work a job outside the home, am an independent Mary Kay consultant and a youth pastor, I don't have a whole lot of time to just lay in bed and snuggle him.  Though I did take full advantage of a down day yesterday.  So today life looks like this around here.

Sleeping on my lap, movie playing in the background, and work attempting to be done on the laptop.

I am bound and determined to get some notes ready for an upcoming meeting, and hopefully get laundry put away.  I have no problems getting it washed dried, and often times even folded, but then it sits in piles all over my room.  And let's be real, sometimes my living room and landing up the stairs.  I will get better at this...I will get better at this...I will get better at this.  Where's my genie lamp when I need one?

As much as I love all that is glitz and glam, we'll be real and transparent and show that life is 90% like this while at home though.

I thank the Lord on an almost daily basis for blessing me with good skin.  Makes those no makeup days much more tolerable.

At least I got my hair looking somewhat presentable.  It's the life of a momma, and I wouldn't trade it in for all the world.

Not Quite What I Expected

J's very first Easter basket, and the toy Nate bought for him.

This morning started off, just as any Easter should.

Nothing like a "naked" sick baby.

But it became very apparent that the little was not feeling well.

Thus, I traded in curls for a messy bun, an Easter dress for sweats, and beautiful Dolce Vita wedges for bare feet.  I guess I needed reminding that He sacrificed of His life for the ones He loved most.  Now I must willingly sacrifice of my life (Sunday morning service, getting all dolled up, and the glorious glorious food) for the little whom I love most.  Happy Easter, and let today be a reminder of all He did so we can do all that we do.

Clean House

Hoping it will be my saving grace!

HopLike I had mentioned before, cleaning is not something that comes naturally to me.  I can clean and organize everything once, but the day to day keep up always manages to get away from me.  I talk up excuses all day everyday, "I had to work," "I was spending time with the baby," "We had youth and church all day."  Bottom line is: as a wifey and momma maintaining my home is about more than the love I fill it with.  So in my search for tools to help equip me, I stumbled upon a book of wonders at my mom's house.  And, after seeing the piles of laundry in my upstairs this past week, she chose to gift me with my very own copy.  So here's hoping that this new journey of cleaning is "REAL SIMPLE!"   I couldn't help myself.